Who I can be to many people...

My name IS Dariela and people call me Dary. It all started in fifth grade when there was (for reasons still unknown to me) another Dariela in my class. The teacher decided that she was Dari and I was DARY. So instead of calling me Dari for short they called me Dary as a nickname.
Years later I've discovered that most people can not pronounce my real name anyway. I've been called...let's see...Darla, Darlne, Donna, Danielle, Darcy, Dottie, Deary, Dotty, Dots, Dairy, Darly, Darielle, Dariels (that one I don't mind, because my friend Alejandro started it, now we call him Alexei), and last but not least Daria. Which later, I actually liked.
Most people like Daria. I guess I can identify with her, except I am not that cynical but my sarcasm has evolved ever since started living with George.
So Daria had been on for some time but there are still tons of info about the show and about her. Anyway, I really don't have a sidekick like Jane (which I actually like too, I can also identify with her..she's funnier though) but then again, no one I know is quite like that character. So there you have it. Me and my many names, and the name that actually means something out there.

I've Always Been Into Vampires

"I have crossed oceans of time to find you"

So I've always been into Vampires. I really do not know why. Some may think it's kind of cool to fantacize about living forever and being beautiful for all time. Others may believe it is a sin to wish to have the power to pass through ages and sacrifice the human life.
I am not sure what exactly to believe. To me, living forever wouldn't be that bad. You would have lifetimes to see all that there is in this world to see. The only thing I am not really sure of is the spiritual side of it. What exactly is it that gets lost when you are reborn? Can you still love like a human, or does it make it even more intense because you are not human anymore? When you die, and your body remains and the blood keeps you alive, can you remember who you where before?
At any rate, there has been many versions of vampirism through out the years. Some of my favorite movies, books, etc. have been about vampires. Ask anyone who really knows me and they can tell you that my favorite movie of all time is Bram Stoker's Dracula. It is not so much the vampirism but the idea that Dracula's love was so strong that he couldn't take Mina's life away. I guess I am more into the romantic and sansational aspect of the vampire world than anything else. I don't know what it is about that movie that draws me in. It's as if I was right there next to them every time I watch it.
Interview with the Vampire comes very close to second on my list. Of course, Louie is a big reason why but not just because of the way they made him look. Again, it that thing about the character's soul that attracted me so much. I suppose I saw something of me in him. I have a hard time letting go of the past as well. Anyway, it was a very good adaptation on the book. You can look into it on the author's page.
I remember some of my favorite shows where Forever Knight (and apperarently I am not the only one.) and Kindred: The Embraced. Kindred was interesting because of how they divided the clans of vampires and explained the history between them and how they would interact with eachother in the present day.

Now that the concept of the Vampire has actually evolved with the times, we have movies like Underworld and Blade that really incorporate technology with ancient Vampire clans that have been out there for thousands fo years. It really doesn't matter, it can be modern or a more traditional Vampire concept. I like Many Things Vampire.

Take My Hand

Take my hand,
Feel the bones,
They would be easier to break.
Feel my heart,
Know how the beat slows down.
Cut my tongue,
So that I can not tell you of how I love you.
Break my arms,
Because they long to hold you.
Or lie to me,
And say that you still love me.

Hear Me

Hear me,
I’ve been searching for you for some time.
Take me,
For what I am and what I can be with you.
Want me,
Because I have not learned to want myself
Fill me,
With absolute certainty that I am worth your love.
Save me,
I have not learned to hold on.
Need me,
Because I can make you a better person.
See me,
I can be a lost soul at times.
Hate me,
Because I will strike down with anger even when I love you.
But love me,
Because I am good and bad and my body and soul are ultimately yours.
Try me,
Because even when I am complicated I know I can make you happy.

Writings I admire...

There are really not many people I truly admire. Seriously, no offense but my admiring list is a pretty short list. I admire the person who is creative, determined, honest, driven, talented, in tune with emotion, has a strong character, and can be expressive. There are ranges of qualities in the people that have in one way or another influenced my life.
There are just some people that leave a print behind. So I went around and looked at lives in my life and I found the person I could try to be complete with, and yes...that is my husband.
Here is a story from a writer that I admire. This is a sad story that captured me seven years ago. Every time I read it, it causes the same emotion. This is a strong piece of work. I hope one day I can write as fearless as him. In the meantime....here is one of his works.

Enjoy.
-----------------*****************************************-----------------------------
A Sometimes Beautiful Thing
by Alex L. Mauldin

I've always loved you.
Always.
Even when I was youngest, I can remember wanting to play with you. But you didn't live near me, so we couldn't. I didn't know where you lived, but I knew that if you could, you'd play with me. We'd play catch, or hide and seek, or whatever it was you wanted to play. I wanted to play your games. I wanted you to teach me how to play with you.
So I played by myself. But you were there with me. I pretended that you were with me. I never wanted to play with the other kids on my block. I had you.
Mom always told me to go outside and play with the boys next-door. She couldn't understand why I didn't want to play in Little League or join the Boy Scouts. She did not understand that I was with you. I didn't need anyone else.
I wouldn't call it love at that point, though. I did not know what love was. I just wanted to be with you very badly. I didn't have a name for that feeling.
Later when the other boys at school started to pay more attention to girls, I didn't feel so bad. They were beginning to understand what I'd been feeling for years. They needed a woman. And the girls needed a man. They started to match up and some of them are still together today. Love is so beautiful when it lasts.
I say I didn't feel bad, but that was only at the beginning. Later they would ask me if I had a girl. I'd say yes, and of course they would want to know who. I couldn't tell them. I had to make up some story about meeting you when I was at my grandparents' place for summer vacation. A long-distance thing. Some of the guys thought that was cool. Others called me a liar. I tried not to care. I tried not to worry.
At night I would lie in bed and think about you. I wondered what you had done that day. Did you like your school? What was your best subject? I always pretended that you'd be good at English. I pictured you writing me long letters about how much you loved me. You'd sign them with hugs and kisses.
I wonder sometimes if waiting was hard for you. I wondered if maybe you had a boyfriend. I knew you wouldn't be serious about him. You'd leave him the moment we could be together. I'd get a little jealous thinking about it, though. I wanted to be the first to touch you if I could. The first to kiss you and hold your hand. You would be my first. I didn't want anyone else.
During college I noticed that there were fewer and fewer people still by themselves. Everyone was pairing up. Some of the girls in my classes were wearing engagement rings. They were proud of their rings and would show them to everyone around them. One day I went to a jewelry store at the mall and looked at rings. I picked out a nice one for you. It was gold, with a small diamond in a silver setting. I didn't know what your ring size was, so I bought one that fit my smallest finger. I figured we could get it fixed later. I carried that ring with me all the time. I wanted to be able to give it to you as soon as we were together.
After that day I thought about your hands a lot. I pictured myself holding them and looking at the tiny wrinkles in the palms. I tried to imagine how small your hands might be. How fragile they might be. In my dreams you would touch my face with your tiny fingers. The fingertips would touch my lips and I would kiss them.
I worked hard in college. I studied constantly because I wanted to get a good job when I graduated. I didn't want our lives to suffer because I couldn't provide for us. After college I got a well-paying job with an insurance company. After saving for two years I put a down payment on a house. A nice two-bedroom house. It had a large kitchen and a great bedroom for the two of us. I just knew you would love it. When I moved into the house, I tried not to buy too much furniture. I didn't want to pick anything you wouldn't like later. Just the basics.
Sometimes I would sit on the threshold of the front door. I would stare down the street and watch every car that passed by. One day you might be in one of those cars. I wanted that to happen so much.
The bed was too big for just one person. I couldn't make myself stretch out or sleep in the middle. I stayed on my side and pretended that you were with me. Some nights I could almost hear you breathing. I would roll on my side and want to say your name, but I didn't know what it was. I would just call you "Love."
"Love?"
You would smile at me.
"Are you happy with me? Are you glad you waited for me?"
You wouldn't answer. You'd just reach over and touch my lips and feel my face. I could feel your hands on my face. You could feel my tears.
"I love you so much."
The years went by. I tried to imagine what you were doing. I knew you were out there. I knew the person who's meant for me must be out there somewhere. It would just be a matter of waiting. I knew I could wait forever for you if I had to. I loved you.
When my Mom died I was left to handle all the arrangements myself. It had just been her and I, and we'd grown apart over the last twenty some-odd years. One Christmas she asked me when I was going to bring home a girl. I couldn't say anything to answer that. I couldn't even look her in the eyes the rest of the night. I wanted badly for you to meet her. She would be so proud of me. So proud that her son had such a wonderful woman. It would be perfect.
But as I watched her being lowered into the grave, I didn't have anyone standing with me. I didn't have anyone to show my Mom. I was alone.
That night I cried. I cried because I didn't have you with me to hold me and tell me everything was alright. I didn't have a hand to hold or lips to kiss. Nothing. I'd never had that and perhaps never would.
Each morning I looked at myself in the mirror. The wrinkles around my eyes were getting deeper. My hair had thinned and receded. I hoped you would love me. I hoped you could still look at my face and smile.
"I want to see you smile."
I can't. Everything in me hurts.
"If you don't smile for me I'm going to have to turn off the TV and turn out the lights," the nurse warns. I hate her. She is always trying to make me do silly things like smile or laugh. She has never felt pain in her life.
Leave me alone.
"Ok, there goes the TV. Goodnight, sir." She turns off the lights and shuts the door behind her. My small bedroom disappears into the dark. I can hear her footsteps as she walks down the hall. The footsteps fade, and then all I can hear is the distant echo of my heart. A tear slowly finds its way to my pillowcase and dies. My world becomes quiet.
I'm alone.
It's dark and I'm alone.
Why didn't you ever come, Love?
I waited for you.
I waited for you.
Copyright © 1997 Alex L. Mauldin

Love Music

Not sure what to write at the time. I've been kinda stressing you know? There was something cool that happened during the weekend though. I went to Austin and messed around with the Bose p.a. system and it was the coolest thing. You can go to Bose, or just take a look at it.

I had never heard a sound like this one before. It was amazing. I hadn't heard my ipod sound this good on anything. You know some people criticize Bose because they do not produce "natural" sound...which they don't put that is the beauty of it!! Why would I want to pay more for the "natural" quality of sound when I can get the same results and at a more practical size?I'm telling you that technology was truly amazing. I sang like two songs and fell in love with the machine. I hope I am getting it for sure.


On other notes, I suppose I could do a list of movies I own and songs I have at my disposal. I love carrying my little ipod around, it has become one of my favorite things to have. I listen to music almost anywhere (except while I am in class). Maybe tomorrow. We'll see...

What Could Have Been

It is amazing to realize now how much my mind really wonders. I keep my characters in my head most of the time. At the time they scream to come out and the pen hits the paper is as if they are actually creating themselves. The scenerios in stories are not necessarly real. Some parts of the surroudings might be taken from some experiences and some by the fragments of pure imagination.
This is what is so great about letting a character live in your mind. The possibilities are endless.
Don't read into it, what my life is or is not...it is ultimately my belief. I may have many lives. Writing is a great way to recreate yourself all the time.

Here is a story of the idea of love, the memory of passion between two strangers to eachother that never really gave eachother a chance to really know one another. Two people so right for each other in a world so incredibly wrong about love and the salvation of one of them. This stories are about faded memories that could and could have not happened. This is a whole different world.



I woke up late last night dreaming of what could have been…

----------*************------------------

You laid there next to me watching and caressing me while I stared at the ceiling.

I wonder if this is how it looks from up there. I’ve never been in a plane before. I wonder if the grains of Monterrey attached above could represent people. Is this how it all looks to me now? This moment.

I guess they do. Everyone seemed so insignificant in my life while I was there with you.
Yet I never got the opportunity to see the world from up there on our way somewhere nice; away from everything. It’s always been one perspective with us hasn’t it? Only one way of experiencing things.

My head felt light, wine, Lucy, screams, my body moving. We held each other, I could hear your heartbeat close to mine. I felt as though we danced. I remember how I was trying to memorize your scent, touch, even when you looked mad. The room and everything in it.

You got up to get me some water; big plastic glass. I remember wondering if we would ever own our own place. Maybe you would let me pick up after you. Your naked body moved slowly close to me again, I wondered if I could pick out some of your clothes and how I was going to place them on your side of the closet.

The phone rings.

It’s your friend from work. I have to be quiet. I look around and nothing in the room is mine, not even you. I don’t belong. I have to go back to the real world. I take my jacket, it’s cold outside. It was so warm in here with you, it’s a shame I always have to leave.

It’s always been one perspective with us hasn’t it?
Only one way of experiencing things.

I wake.

--------***********-----------

My husband calls for breakfast. He says we got the house. I think of clothes, and closets to hang our lives in.

The water runs down; the warmth washes me down. It’s time to start the day. I know at night the dreams will come again.
Maybe they’ll show me again what could have been, and then I’ll think of you.

Choose To Be

Scream*lose it*take that job*paint the room* throw yourself*love your family* climb* buy it* take the trip* paint your soul* shut down* make your dreams* listen* make it* take a cut* sing it out* be nice* follow your heart* play* take it* take a walk* play the song* get even* have peace of mind* manage* tare it up* take a ride* play the movie* do the right tings* love your job* make your dreams* laugh* paste it* take the picture* burn your sadness* fear your doubts* kiss* shove it* take it all in* burn the pictures* doubt your fears* hate your tears* climb* love it* take a break* sing a prayer* shut off* realize your potential* write* burn it* take a bus* talk to strangers* make the difference* know yourself* read* hide it* take flight* talk to your mother* take the problems* wake up* love your body* talk* seek it* take the road* be brilliant* be happy* meditate* dry it* take the world* embrace your opportunities* have the moment* love your life* breathe* ride it* take advice* invite it* kill your bad habits* let your sadness die* jump* squeeze it* take a number* look it up* live it all* love* miss it* take the pain* bite it hard* fuck* try it* take the joke* smell the flowers* drink* bend it* take the choice* create your universe* envy* take the hearteche* be compassionate* solve it* dream it up* let it be* draw it out* pick your space* fall in place* have it* do it right* die* will it* live it.

You are not alone, get up...the rest of the world is out there. Choose to Be.

On Constantine

I bought Constantine the movie last week and I have to say it has become on of my favorite movies now. I have always believed there are spirits all around us that can communicate with us if we want to.

Most of the time I figured if I could have contact with these entities it wouldn’t be a good thing necessarily. I guess that is why I love the idea of Constantine, he has a gift to see three worlds, hell heaven, and earth. I have been told that ,”My dream is to have the Devil know my name.” Can you imagine the power in this? God knows it all and knows everyone but the Devil, the Devil will know you because he fears you. If you are insignificant and you are not a threat he would not bother with you. If you work for God, you have the power to fight evil and win (that's if you have a gift of course, you can't be stupid and start evoking spirits and then get your ass kicked by them...no that wouldn't be smart).

Constantine (the movie) was inspired by the Hell Blazer Vertigo Comic Book. There are a number of sites that will help you learn more about this character. There have even been rumors for the making of Constantine’s sequel. You may read more if you are interested in Constantine..or just go Straight To Hell.

Me? I’ll be waiting for the sequel….

My Song

Criminal

I've been a bad bad girl
I've been careless with a delicate man
And it's a sad sad world When a girl will break a boy
Just because she can
Don't you tell me to deny it I've done wrong and I want to Suffer for my sins
I've come to you 'cause I need Guidance to be true
And I just don't know where I can begin

What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love

Heaven help me for the way I am
Save me from these evil deeds
Before I get them done
I know tomorrow brings the consequence
At hand But I keep livin' this day lik
e The next will never come

Oh help me but don't tell me
To deny it I've got to cleanse myself
Of all these lies till I'm good
Enough for him I've got a lot to lose and I'm Bettin' high
So I'm beggin' you before it ends
Just tell me where to begin

What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed
To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love
Let me know the way
Before there's hell to pay
Give me room to lay the law and let me go
I've got to make a play To make my lover stay
So what would an angel say
The devil wants to know

What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love
What I need is a good defense
'Cause I'm feelin' like a criminal
And I need to be redeemed To the one I've sinned against
Because he's all I ever knew of love

Sing It!!

After the whole American Idol craze, many of us wait with anticipation for Simon, Paula, and Randy to come to Austin, Texas for auditions. I will be considering going to audition if only to say “been there, done that,” well and to see Simon up close to see how mean he really is and what is just pure logic coming from him. Hey some people love him and and some hate him but personally I have to admitt that most fo the time, he is the only one that gets it right.
I believe I will have my turn to stand before the man and try as hard as I can to be loud enough but not out of tune.
We'll see. In the mean time we can all wait for next season to have our idols and our not so idols to have a good laugh.

Talent searches have spread across America and the latin community was not left behind.

There was Nuevas Voces de America produced by Emilio Estefan. They also had their technical problems. The finalist from Texas, Gerardo A. Lopez...yep that's my brother.

Playtime!!!

I can't wait to finish this part of the summer. I have a midterm on Monday and I have to study hard. There are not enough hours during the day to do all I have to do. I have not eaten well the past few days, haven't slept enough, or picked up enough around the house for that matter. Boo.
Hopefully after this, I can have a little playtime. Vegas baby!!!

At least I hope I have some time for that.

Right to Write

Spaces

Spaces between faces that have carved their way into my head.
Faces between fractions of a life lived and left behind by you.
You, who will forever be undefined by your own.
You, who will forever be lost in what is, and what could have been.
________________________________________________

Have you Changed?

Have you changed?
The skies are blue, the wind still blows and your memory still lives in me.
Have you changed?
The leaves still fall, the winter is cold, and your sent is still on me.
Have you changed?
________________________________________________
That Day

She woke up early that day.
As she turned to the clock that would undoubtedly tell her she was late, she still had to think of what to wear.
Big day. Yet every ounce of her was telling her to stay.
She turned to see him, laying there asleep. She watched him sleep just a few moments longer before she disappeared into her day.

"Hot Coffee" With Your Breakfast?

As if we didn't have enough to worry about with regular TV programing for kids.

Clinton seeks video game sex scene probe
Friday, July 15, 2005; Posted: 8:38 a.m. EDT (12:38 GMT)
var clickExpire = "07/29/2005";

WASHINGTON (Reuters) -- Sen. Hillary Clinton pressed Thursday for a government investigation into how simulated sex cropped up in a modified version of the blockbuster criminal adventure video game "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas."
Clinton asked the Federal Trade Commission to investigate the origins of a downloadable modification that allows simulated sex in the personal computer version of one of the most popular and controversial video games in history.
"We should all be deeply disturbed that a game which now permits the simulation of lewd sexual acts in an interactive format with highly realistic graphics has fallen into the hands of young people across the country," Clinton wrote in a letter to the head of the Federal Trade Commission.
Saying the problem of explicit video games was "spiraling out of control," Clinton also said she was introducing legislation that would crack down on the sale of violent and sex-laden games to minors.
The legislation would impose a $5,000 penalty on retailers who sell adult-rated video games to underage children.
Clinton asked the FTC to look into whether Grand Theft Auto's rating of "M" (Mature 17+) should be changed to the rare "AO" (Adult Only), which would threaten to crimp sales at large retail outlets.
The PlayStation2 version of "Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas" was the No. 1 game of 2004, selling just over 5 million copies, according to industry researcher NPD Funworld.
She requested the agency to study whether retailers' enforcement policies were adequate to keep adult-rated video games out of the hands of minors.
An FTC spokeswoman said the agency had received Clinton's letter and was reviewing it.
Clinton's comments were the latest in a chorus of criticism that has intensified since the revelation about sex scenes in the modified Grand Theft Auto. The game series has drawn numerous detractors because of its sexual and violent content.
Players who download a modification, known as "hot coffee," from the Internet can make a male character engage in various sex acts with a virtual "girlfriend." Sex is suggested in the official version of the game, but does not happen on screen.
The game's manufacturer, a subsidiary of Take-Two Interactive Software Inc. called Rockstar Games, has said hackers are responsible for the modification.
In a statement released Thursday, Rockstar said it supported the video game rating system and efforts to keep adult-rated games away from children.
But without referring to Clinton, the company said it was "disappointed by comments that misrepresent Grand Theft Auto, detracting from the innovative and artistic merits of the game."
"Unfortunately, the recent confusion only serves to suggest that games do not deserve the same treatment as other forms of creative expression," Rockstar said in its statement.
The Entertainment Software Rating Board last week launched a probe into whether the sexual minigame content was deliberately hidden in the game code and unlocked by the "hot coffee" modification, or if it was solely the result of the modification.
The "hot coffee" modification, which violates the game's software user agreement, is the result of hackers disassembling and then combining, recompiling and altering the game's source code, Rockstar said.

Hhhhmmm...it was just a matter of time before hackers got a little more "creative."

Making the NEWS!!

Brad Pitt treated for meningitis
Wednesday, July 13, 2005;

Pitt was in Ethiopia last week.

LOS ANGELES, California (Reuters) -- Film star Brad Pitt was released on Wednesday from a Los Angeles hospital where he had been admitted for a flu-like illness that turned out to be viral meningitis, his spokeswoman has said.
Pitt, 41, was at home on Wednesday afternoon after his discharge and was "doing well," his publicist said in a statement.
The actor checked in to Cedars Sinai Medical Center on Monday night, a week after returning from a trip to East Africa.
Spokeswoman Cindy Guagenti said on Tuesday that the actor was undergoing tests but was believed to be suffering from influenza.
After his release, her office issued a statement saying Pitt "was diagnosed with a mild case of viral meningitis."
No further information about his condition was offered.
Viral meningitis is an illness that involves inflammation of the tissues covering the brain and spinal cord.
It is generally regarded as serious but is rarely fatal in persons with normal immune systems.
Pitt, who split up with his wife, actress Jennifer Aniston, earlier this year, traveled to Ethiopia last week with actress Angelina Jolie, his co-star in the movie "Mr. and Mrs. Smith," who went there to finalize the adoption of a baby girl.

All this while Millions honor London bomb victims. Funny to see what kind of stories really make it the NEWS now days.

I mean who cares really if Brad and Angelina are together or not? I'm sure Jennifer cares but why should we (and by that I mean the readers, since they wouldn't be waisting time on press if they weren't selling the story right?) contribute to the constant reminder that her marriage didn't work and her ex is now "with" this sexy woman that everyone seems to be enfatuated with?
I'm sure Jennifer doesn't wake up everyday and think,"Hhmm I wonder where Brad and Angie are now....England, US, Africa...??? I wonder if they are having a baby....I thought Brad didn't want one...oh yeah, now I remember...he didn't want one with me!!!"
You gotta feel bad for her. If my marriage ever comes apart I certainly wouldn't appreciate half of the world reading about it...hell not even my small part of the world, family, friends, etc.

I could have missed the pain, but I'd have had to miss the Dance

"Suicide, Choices & 'The Dance' Part 2"
And I, I’m glad I didn’t know
The way it all would end
The way it all would go.
Our lives are better left to chance
I could have missed the pain
But I’d have had to miss the dance.
I have always enjoyed Garth Brooks, “The Dance,” but the song has new meaning now because it plays a small part in a special story of human tragedy and courage.
“I’m going to die!” were the first words of a young man, barely thirty who met me at the church. He had a rare form of cancer that along with other medical complications would make it impossible for him to survive more than a year… one year to live.
I didn’t know what to say? What mere words could possibly ease the pain and suffering this young man faced? For a while there was only silence amidst a backdrop of soft weeping.



His next statement sent a frosty chill down my spine. “I don’t know if I can face what is going to happen over the next few months. Maybe I should just end it all now!”
What would you say? What sort of advice would you give? Would it be so bad to allow this young man and others like him to prematurely end their life of suffering? Is it so terrible to permit a woman suffering with depression and facing enormous difficulties throw in the towel? Is suicide really such an awful option?
Emotionally you would be tempted to say, “Yes, suicide may be okay, but read on.”
The debate on “mercy-killing” and suicide is an intense one and should be continued, but a certain young man crying in a small church did not want to hear a discussion on the merits of suicide. He wanted some honest answers on how to face an extraordinary tragedy.
As a pastor, I’ve been asked, “Will God forgive someone who commits suicide.” Personally, I believe God can forgive anything but scripture itself says very little specifically about suicide probably because it wasn’t much of an issue in those days. It certainly is an issue today.
The prophet Isaiah writes: “If I walk in darkness without one ray of light...” (Isaiah 50:10)
Does walking in darkness without one ray of light describe this young man’s experience? Could it illustrate how my children’s mother felt? Darkness without a single ray of light anywhere? Could this be a signal that it may actually be tolerable to end it all?
Absolutely not! Read the rest of the verse: “If I walk in darkness without one ray of light… let me trust the Lord, let me rely upon God.” There is the key toward understanding God’s answer.
Suicide is never the right choice because it is the final denial of our trust in God. Yes, this young man faced the darkness of a cancer with no known cure. Yes, my children’s mother faced a darkness of personal difficulties combined with depression. But wait, life is not over yet! God is not through. Trusting the Lord and relying upon God may not be an easy answer but it does provide the definitive assurance of hope. Ultimately, hope is what we seek and fervently require.
“If I walk in darkness without one ray of light… in this story concerns two people, two choices and their consequences. One person chose to end her life’s journey at this point. What are the consequences of that decision?
Christine will miss seeing her daughter go to the Senior Prom and graduate from High School. She will never enjoy watching her son finish college. A mother will never witness a child’s wedding or the birth of a grandchild. Her suicide left a permanent injury in the hearts of her beloved children and all of her relatives and friends: A gaping wound that will never totally heal.
“If I walk in darkness without one ray of light… offers the same two choices but our young man found supernatural courage and chose to continue his life’s journey by trusting the Lord and relying upon God. What were the consequences of that choice?
· He put his affairs in order, took a vacation and spent loads of time with his children.
· The family pulled together to help him deal with the crisis.
· The church and the community began visiting and offering assistance of every kind.
· He began reading His Bible and came to know God, to really know God as few of us do.
This young man really changed and as he changed, his courage became a witness for the family, for the church and for the community. One Sunday morning we all had a chance to celebrate and cry when he and seven members of his family came to our church to be baptized. Over the next few months, his life became a testimony of courage and faith in the midst of catastrophe.
It was a difficult year, but the medical profession was able to control his pain and provide a hospice program to help him spend his final months with dignity. He died surrounded by his wife, his children and his closest friends. The funeral was attended by hundreds of people all over the county who had been touched by his courage. When the service concluded we bowed our heads and listened to “The Dance” by Garth Brooks. The final words still burn in my heart:
“I could have missed the pain, but I’d have had to miss the dance.”
“If I walk in darkness without one ray of light,” describes an experience you will likely undergo at some point in your life. The question is during your inevitable dark periods… what choices will you make? Will you choose to miss the pain and end your life’s journey never knowing how the dance will end? Do you have the courage to choose enduring the temporary darkness by putting your trust in a God who promises to in due course restore you to everlasting light?
The choice is always yours.
If you know someone who seems depressed and talks about suicide… believe what you are hearing and seek help. If you are thinking of taking your own life… STOP and think again.
Think about two children without their mother on Mother’s Day.
Think about a young man who set an enduring example of courage and faith.
Then cling tightly to the lifeline extended by God’s answer: “If I walk in darkness without one ray of light… let me trust the Lord, let me rely upon God.”

So I found this on the net one day and I decided to keep it. Even if you don't believe in God, this is a powerful message. Lately I had been thinking of the choices that we make in life. They all carry a consequence. Even though I have many mistakes in my life, I have been fortunate enough to get second chances (sometimes more then second, more like thirds) with the people that I trully care about.
One thing we need to realize though is that there might not be a second chance one day and what counts ultimately are your actions and not what you say. If you take the path of least resistance all the time, you might not have much at the end. If you take the path of least resistance your life can be cut short and it is not worth it. It is better to look forward to the unknown and embrace your opportunity to live as you wish. The choice is up to you.
I want to thank the people that still believe in me and love me...even when my imperfections have affected their lives directly and indirectly.
Here is to ....choosing to be a better person every day for the rest of your life!!!

Hhmmm Nothing Much I guess

Without Her

She walked across the room,
She looked wonderful.
All eyes were on her,
it was suffocating.

She smiled at them,
She burned internally.
So lost,so wild; tamed by the world around her.

Double-sided, complicated,
Distraught goddess.
Her eyes, screaming
Her smile, reassuring.
Her posture, perfect
Her heart, sinking
Her soul, burning.

Kept on lying.
Kept on lying to herself,to the world.
Kept on feeling,loved.
Kept on feeling,nothing.
Kept on destroying,everything.
Kept on wanting,to build.
Kept on hesitating,
Life itself will not continue as it once was.

She wonders,
She feels,
She wants,
She aches,
She goes in circles.

She speaks,
She explains,
She says nothing.

No one notices.
No one cares.
No one knows the right question.
No one asks anything.

Life happens,keeps on.
Without Her.

I found this and decided to post it. I hadn't written anything in a few weeks. My summer class ended last week and this Monday I started another one. My mind and my time will be dedicated to Accounting for a while. I just started and I can't wait for it to be over. It will be a killer course. Boo. Too bad.
One of my dear friends is going through a bad time right now and I wish I could do something to help him. If you are reading,
"This too shall pass." That is such a weird thing to say, but it's true. You will soon realize that everything is for a reason and the way to true happiness is peace of mind and soul. It is HER loss, trust me. You have friends like me that love you and want to see you happy. You have so much to move on for...do it for yourself first.

I hope everyone is having a great morning. Good luck on the rest of your day...I hope I put pictures up soon! :-)