Are You Happy Now?

A sigh, a laugh, a tear, many of which I’ve had throughout the years. I think of you sometimes and I sigh, and I laugh, and I cry. I can see you in my mind, and hear you in my heart, touch you with my voice. You are still part of me, somehow.

-Dariela

“Hello love. Yes it’s me…(again).
It was nice seeing you yesterday, well your picture..uh yes I know. At least the reporters got it right. I know, no receding hairline on that picture. Of course you look great bald! Very nice..(you always looked great to me anyhow) you need a beanie at night though. Is it cold over there now? I imagined it would be,” she twisted her hair around her index finger, perfect long curl.

She did that sometimes when she was nervous. He could hear it in her voice. He could feel her through her voice, just picture her there, that same soft hair brushing against his cheek, soft hair spilling over the sides of his pillow.

Sigh*heart pounding

“So when is your signing going to be? You touring the states this time?
No, I might not make it to that one. Sorry. I have this conference..you know just some new launch for the company, usually software products…blah blah. We break ground next week on the new building. Don’t worry there is not much excitement just more work for me. I know, it’s my fault, business as usual thank God. Well, at least I can workout the stress and put food on the table with my fat checks. How is…everything ( and by that I mean you and her)?"

They kept on chatting but not really saying anything of consequence. “How have you been? Do you think of me too? Are you happy now?” these where the questions on both of their minds and yet they will not ask.
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“Are you going to start this again?”

“Well, I wouldn’t have to start if you would just tell me. What do you see in him that I don’t have? Is he any smarter? Does he even have a degree? Is it the money? Is he more creative? Is it the way he touches you? I can learn to do that. I would love to do that, I’d do anything for just a few more moments.”

“A…look, please don’t. Everything is different now. I’m different, we, well…(her voice seem to be lost for decades before arriving to the end of that sentence)..we are not We anymore. I’ve fallen in love, harder than I thought I would. I don’t have to tell you how great he is, he just Is. You are great and we were great but you know better than to expect for Us to work. We just didn’t, we couldn’t.”


“I know what he has that I don’t. You.”
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“So are you going to have time for at least one drink? One drink I promise and then you can go work.” He paused to hear her response.

“I think it can be arranged”, she said in a playful voice. They both knew it was no joke. They couldn’t have cared less about groundbreakings and book signings. They were going to meet again and there would be questions. Expectations.

“Did you think of me while you were gone? I need to know before I see you.”

There it was. The leap. Just ask.

“You kept coming back to me. Part of me wanted to swivel around in my chair to check if you really were lying on the futon like you were years ago.
Do you still think it is a good idea to see each other?”

“And who are we to tell what is good…I think it’s good for us. I know where it’s going to go, but not where it’s going to end up.”

“I still recall that day you know, I hadn’t heard from you in a couple of weeks. Work, you explained. Busy at work. In your hand twirled keys to a truck that wasn’t mine, or yours, yet. You explained to my mother that you’d borrowed the keys from a friend, your boss at work, but from the way you glanced over at me, I knew he was becoming more than a friend just as I was becoming more of a memory.”

“I’m sorry. I know. But that is in the past now.”

Her finger was no longer entertained by her hair. Her heart was still racing. Now her foot kept the beat of her heart and her anxiety grew stronger. How could she put it together now? There was so much to be said, so much to explain, so much to look back at. She wished she could hold him like she did before, save him the way she should have so many years before. Yet she said nothing.

“I know, sometimes I still remember. I am not mad anymore. It still hurts sometimes, but more than anything because I wished I could have done more to change your mind. I wish I could have made you believe in us. You where so young and I should have known better. Maybe if could have looked for you, instead of always waiting for you to come to me. Maybe…forget it. It’s no use. I just want to see you”, he thought. He said nothing of that.

“In our own little world? Let’s see eachother in the real world. Tell me about her. I’ll tell you of how my plans are going. I’ve been through a rough patch but we have so many projects now, him and I.”

“Great, it’ll be great. Really. I can show you some plans for houses that I’ve liked. I am not sure if we’ll stay in the East coast.”

“Ok. Just tell me where and when and I’ll be there. Promise. At any rate, what is your book about this time? I haven’t had a chance to read it. It’s only been a few months and it’s already a best seller.”

“It’s the ultimate story of two people so perfect for each other, but separated by love and death. Separated but inseparable. Just like we were and still are.”

Silence on the line. She smiled.

“Life has a way of doing these things. I know what you mean. I’ll read your novel, then we’ll talk about it over those drinks.”

“Are you happy now?” they both asked at the same time.

They laughed at how eager they were to ask that question. Yes. They replied.

“Ok, silly go to bed and call me in the morning. We can talk about this later.”

“Sweetheart, you think we did good? I’m glad now that you did, I mean that you are happy. I’m glad I found her.”

“I’m happy for you too. I’m happy for us both after all, we are separated by love, separated but inseparable.”